Whilst I was doing my Masters in 2005 nothing was going my way. I was disillusioned and I just woke up every morning and prayed. I picked up my Bible and read knowing I did not understand what I was reading.
I wanted to understand the Bible but year after year I would start and stop knowing I could not grasp it. I had a thought when I was younger that there must be someone who God will put on this earth like a prophet who will be able to explain what revelations really meant. There are always prophets why not now I thought. Would God just leave us like that? I used to listen to a radio station which always had prophets who would talk about what revelations meant but that just used to fill me with fear.
I went to a Baptist primary school when I came to the UK from Sierra Leone. In Sierra Leone I went to one of those so called born again churches every Sunday. That’s where I can recall distinctively being told in Sunday School about the sheep and the goat being separated. I went home and cried out please make me a sheep lord looking at the blue sky thinking that is where heaven is but not seeing God. I was not aware that it was a necessary part of my spiritual journey. I wanted to be baptised at the age of 11 but was told I had already been baptised as a kid.
I thought that the Baptist church which did not make elaborate songs and dance on Sundays was a lot more biblical than the churches I used to go. There are Baptist churches in Sierra Leone but I never went to them. I thought my new found church was good as they did not make a big noise about offerings. They seemed to know the Bible really well. They even talk about a Jew being in the spirit, however, they still believe that the Jews in Israel are real Jews and are favoured by God.
Anyway, as a young man I did what a lot of young men do and got myself into all sorts of trouble. I was so terrified about my sins I used to imagine being put into burning larva. I can remember having such a dream at university waiting for judgment. I used to think of this punishment and what I was taught in school that God once destroyed the whole earth with a flood and the next time it would be with fire. How dreadful and how fearful that is. This is what we are taught of at a young age. How can we love our enemies?
One day whilst cleaning the front patio my imagination was going again seeing people in a lake of fire due to Gods judgment. Then the thought was placed in my mind why can’t God save all men? I was scared to even entertain such thoughts in my mind. Then I thought that God cannot not be aware of what was going on in hell as he is everywhere. I did not at that time think of it as toture. My mind fought with these ideas as this was what I had been taught since childhood. My mind was saying that I should not question what I had been taught. Then another thought occurred saying that I would rather die that all men be saved as this eternal punishment was too much to bear. Even thought it was said time and time again in Church that death came to all through one man I did not realise that through Christ life came to all. I thought life came to a few chosen and the rest would be dipped in sulphur without being able to die.
I did not know the verse of Jer 19:5 then but remembered the story of the children of Israel given their children to Baal and thinking if God was angry with them why will he put us who he calls his children in eternal fire. Again my mind still kept fighting the idea as I have to listen to my teachers, they know better than me. However, that didn’t stop my mind from imagining the burning sulphur and how much pain I and everyone would be in. I just could not always see me escaping such punishment. When I did see myself avoiding that punishment I had a vision of a huge marble mansion that I was going to live in with streets of gold and then a city with walls and beyond the walls otter darkness reserved for those who could not get in.
Back to university, whilst trying to understand and reading without understanding . I went to my Baptist Church on Sundays. I can recall the pastors sermon about the life of David. All I could see myself as being was Saul. I was timid just like Saul, I could see sparks of David once in a while but most of the time it was Saul. This got me worried. I could see all the negatives within me, all the sins were within my heart. Being ungrateful, immoral, all these I saw within me as I tried to keep the law. This kept me miserable and I knew I could not keep the law as I was. I could not see his yoke being easy nor his burden being light.
One day after not hearing from a friend of mine for a while (Ayo Fabiyi) he decided to pay me a visit. When he came he started talking about the scriptures which I didn’t mind as it was good to hear someone wanting to talk about the Bible who I knew. He quoted
1Ti 4:10 For therefore we both labour and suffer reproach, because we trust in the living God, who is the saviour of all men, specially of those that believe
1Co 15:22 For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive.
Again my head was like I have been taught that that the sum of God’s word is true. As much as I wanted to believe what he was saying I was still fearful that he might be wrong. However, I noticed he always backed up what he said with scriptures. He then told me that 666 is the symbol of man and I am that man. There seemed to resonate some truth in it at the time but this one was a bit much. He said my biggest battle is with the beast within. This again sounded true but I thought that he had also gone a bit crazy. I did not say it to him at the time but for some reason I thought maybe he had been reading the Bible too much and this was driving him crazy. He left me and gave me bibletruths.com to look at and iswasndwillbe.com.
After he went I read and read and read just soaking up as much as I could and trying to find gaps in what was being taught. I looked up the meaning of the words to make sure I wasn’t being misled. I even asked my former teachers son to check the website to make sure it is ok. He did not give me any feedback. However, I kept reading everything. I have been reading ever since. Ayo just kept on encouraging me to continue reading.
I went to Sierra Leone in 2010 and took the time to study and read as much as I could. I told Ayo who always stated the walk is not an easy walk that it seemed as if I was going from the frying pan into the fire through the various trials God was putting me through. However through the comfort of the scriptures provided through the Frequently Asked Questions in iswasandwillbe I was able to deal with many issues that came up in a culture that believes in generational curses and witchcraft. I was able to find valuable wisdom from the articles of Job and revelations series. These have become part of my daily bread. These have provided me strength when I had no strength and comfort when there was none to comfort me apart from the true comforter Himself which is his words and doctrines of Christ. I hope that I continue in his doctrines till he returns and that I would be found to have faith when he returns.
I thank God for the work Mike has been doing and all those involved in iswasandwillbe.com as they have been able to show me light where there was darkness and continue to reveal the truths of Gods word for our edification.