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Is It Better to Remain Single?

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April 1st, 2012 | Filed Under: Author, Marriage, Mitch Kuhn, Q and A1 Comments | Author:


Hi J__,

It was great to talk to you as well. I enjoyed getting to know you and S_____ a bit better. I thought it was so interesting that we’re in the same line of business.

Good questions about marriage. Here is what I see in the scriptures regarding this topic.

1 Corinthians 7 is all about this very topic. Here is how the chapter starts off:

1Co 7:1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
1Co 7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

Paul’s teaching on this topic is that it is better to remain single, because we are able to focus more on the work of the Lord and not be concerned with trying to please a spouse. However, some are not given the self control to not be overcome with passion; so to avoid fornication the Lord ordains that they marry.

1Co 7:7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
1Co 7:8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
1Co 7:9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

1Co 7:32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the
things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:

1Co 7:34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

So we should earnestly desire to serve the Lord above all else and pray that we may remain in the state in which we are called.

1Co 7:20 Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called.

If the Lord does not grant us this gift and we need to marry, then we have not sinned. However, it is better to remain unmarried if at all possible.

1Co 7:28 But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.

1Co 7:35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.

1Co 7:38 So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.

Paul did not write these words to be a burden, but rather to keep us from distraction and additional trouble in the flesh.

I feel just like Paul does. I am single and the Lord has given me contentment in remaining so. I can see how being single allows far more time to focus on the ministry of the Gospel. This is the better way and I pray that the Lord keeps me faithful and grants it to others as well.

However, this is not the plan for everyone. God has already determined what path each of us will take. So while it is called the “better” way, we each only have what God gives us so we cannot look down upon another’s God given path.

1Co 7:7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.

That being said, I encourage you to earnestly seek the Lord and see if he will give you contentment in the state you are called. For some people the desire to marry and their passion is very strong, for others there is a desire to wed but it is manageable. Just realize that there is greater trouble in the flesh when you marry and carefully count the cost.

For those that do have this strong, uncontrollable, God given desire and passion, a good spouse is of the Lord. Tony and Gale are a great example of this. This was the Lord’s plan for their life and they are bearing great fruit as a couple.

Pro 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

If we do take a spouse, they must also have the mind of Christ.

2Co 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

 

(Amo 3:3 KJV) Can two walk together, except they be agreed?

 

We need to remember that marriage is just a symbol of the true marriage between Christ and the Church.

Eph 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
Eph 5:32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

 

The Lord does not need to bring us a physical spouse to meet our needs in this life, because those needs can be met through the Body of Christ. Through my relationships with both my brothers and sisters in the body I get encouragement, wise counsel, companionship, and feel very loved. As long as we are given dominion over our physical passion, the Body of Christ can take care of the rest.

Paul actually calls the Corinthians a chaste virgin, and desires to present them to Christ, their true husband.

2Co 11:2 For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.

 

We have been sent out into the world just as Christ was sent by the father, so our bride is the Church, the Body of Christ.

(1Jn 4:17 KJV) Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world.

 

So if we have been given power over our own will, we can remain unmarried in the flesh, but married to the Body of Christ in the spirit.

1Co 7:37 Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin,doeth well.
1Co 7:38 So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.

Many do not really consider that marriage will bring more trouble in the flesh. Often times we only see the positive side of having a spouse and do realize what the greater gift really is. If there is any way we can be obedient and content as we are, then I pray we are able to stay that way.

Never the less, a good spouse is of the Lord and we should rejoice when anyone is given this gift.

I hope this helps you,

Mitch

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  • MitchellKuhn

    Thank you so much. A big amen brother!